Whimsy with a Hat Tip to Herb Caen
WHAT IF we replaced that “Stop” we see everywhere with “Sure” or “Go Ahead”? . . . What if four self-driving cars, coming from all four directions toward an uncontrolled four-way intersection (that is, one with stop signs), were to arrive at exactly the same moment? Would all of them have to stay put indefinitely?* . . . What if buses had gimbal seats so that passengers could read without feeling every bump? . . . What if car dealers had a spray to give new cars that used-car smell?
* * *
WHAT IF airlines advertised air travel the way amusement parks promote new attractions, and instead put a positive spin on things like air turbulence, shoulder-to-shoulder seating, standing in line, harness wearing, safety warnings, and crummy, expensive food—highlighting them as special features? Would people be willing to pay more for the excitement and the thrill? What if emergency exits doubled as chicken exits?
* * *
WHAT IF there were sleep pills (not sleeping pills) that could give you an instant eight hours of rest? . . . What if there were cough drops that made you cough? . . . What if there were guide people for dogs that lost their sense of smell? . . . What would happen if movie characters got to have more than just their one dream? . . . What if we started using the word figuratively instead of literally when something was figuratively true? Would literally eventually literally mean what it means, again? . . . What if we thought of the Golden Mean as the Golden Nice?
* * *
WHAT IF, instead of saying, “Why don't you [whatever],” we said “What if you [whatever]”? . . . What if, instead of “See if you can't [whatever],” we said “See if you can [whatever]”? . . . What if, when we said, “I'm trying to think,” we were actually overthinking it? . . . What if, when people talked about “teaching someone a lesson,” they followed up later on to find out what lesson got learned? . . . What if people who say they'll feel really bad or get upset if such-and-such a thing happens find out they don’t have to wait?
* * *
WHAT IF you worked for yourself for half an hour a day, every day for a year? Wouldn’t that equate to having someone work for you full-time for an entire two months?** Do you think you could write a book or complete some other pet project in two months? Do you think you could find an extra half hour in your day every day to work just for yourself?
*This traffic scenario is a kind of “thought experiment” I call the “Right-of-Way Problem.” The DMV handbook says that if two vehicles arrive at an uncontrolled intersection at the same time, the driver on the left must yield the right-of-way to the driver on the right; the driver on the left may then proceed when it is safe to do so.
**Here's the math on that (subtracting five days from 365 or six days from 366 for holidays):
0.5 hour/day × 360 days/year = 180 hours/year
5 days/week × 8 hours/day = 40 hours/week
180 hours/year ÷ 40 hours/week = 4.5 weeks/year
Kommentarer